Monday, July 04, 2005

After 28 Feb 2005...

Something big is bothering me... I faced the reality that I failed in Science and Humanities.. D7 for both... Ya... Scored badly...

Actually it doesn't really makes me think much at first.. Cause I was telling myself to work hard for both and score and get into the course I like next year...

But things started to change after my mother lied to her friends and my relatives about my results and school... Telling them that I've got into a Poly...
The reason behind is that she doesn't want to disgrace HERSELF in front of them...
Shouldn't her take care of my feelings?
Shouldn't her support her child in everything?
I can't think of a good reason of why she had to lie to them..
I'm a disgrace...

She's never proud of me.. Never..

Till now she disapprove me of going Red Cross.. She doesn't know how much I like it.. Red Cross to her is a wastage of time.. I'm glad that I've survived until now with her kind of thinking.. But I don't how long can I survived.. She see things I've achieved as useless.. She starts to make me thinks that I'm useless, a disgrace..

Useless in everything thing I do..

I always think that although I'm a slow learner, I just have to put in extra efforts... But I started to think otherwise...

Things hasn't been smooth sailing for me at all...
I started to think alot...
I started to get stressed on very minor stuffs..
I get tensed up when I can't recall stuffs I've learned..
I'm losing confidence in myself...
I can't visual my future...

When others are discussing about their poly life, projects and all, I tried to shut my ears off it...
Cause I can never join in the conversation...

A very negative post...
Just speaking rubbish...

She ended her story at 3:09:00 AM

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